Friends with benefits: 6 insightful tips from professionals for friends with benefits.
Friends with benefits: To have a buddy to call during the long days between a breakup and a new relationship is refreshing. FWB can also be very tricky for a hopeless romantic like me.
The last time I hooked up with a guy, I had a brief premonition of what our life together will look like in 10 years (He had a girlfriend, by the way). This defeated having a “friend with benefit”, an understanding solely dependent on the assumption that I and (in my case a lot more) emotionally mature man can have a relationship fully committed to having sex but without the “baggage” of a committed relationship.
While keeping my heart open for love, I also keep my mind open for occasional hookups a girl has needs. Here are a few tips I wish I knew before diving into a casual sexual relationship.
Here are a few tips I wish I knew before diving into a friend with benefits arrangement.
- Don’t be friends with benefits with someone you have already had a crush on
- Sharing is not caring for friends with benefits
- Avoid men with girlfriends. A blast from “Becky with the good hair.”
- Have a friendly chat and remember honesty is the best policy:
Don’t be friends with benefits with someone you have already had a crush on:
Trust me, being friends with benefits with someone you have a crush on is the craziest idea ever.
As much as I told myself I was in control somewhere deep within me, I wished it were more. So stay away from the crushes and all the attractive ones. One day you are telling yourself you have your feelings in check, and the next day you are knee-deep in catching feelings? Trust me, I know.
A blast from “Becky with the good hair.”
Prep your mind and fully consider if you are emotionally and mentally ready for the issues that arise from being involved in such a relationship. For instance, his girlfriend. Are you cool with seeing the Instagram post of the guy you hooked up with yesterday? And no, not regular posts, a picture of his girlfriend with a sweet cheesy caption. If not, then move it along. God knows being a “Becky with the good hair” can be a ball-buster.
Have a friendly chat and remember honesty is the best policy:
Unless this is a one-time thing to blow off steam with a stranger, it is important to set ground rules. Be honest with yourself and your friend and find a partner who will equally be honest. You do not want to end up as the side piece of a man is in a serious relationship unless you are cool
You do not want to end up in a relationship with yourself. Have “the talk” and be clear about what you expect in plain English language, “I want you” or “need you” could mean a lot of things, unlike “I want to fuck and stay friends” or “I like you a lot and want a relationship” there is no mixing that up.
Instead of friends with benefits, try a one-night stand.
This way, you can act as nothing happened. I prefer to respond like we never met, but that is a “me thing.” Getting into friends with benefits arrangement may be too much for those who get attached quickly, which is why a one-night stand may be preferable. Keeping in mind your safety, health and, security.
Set ground rules and expectations.
Set boundaries like the extent of interaction with friends, how much space we allow them to take up in your life, and the general approach to your relationship. What and who do we tell about ourselves? And are we allowed to have other partners? Are we seeing other people? If we are, then let us discuss protection.
While this is not a conventional relationship, STDs are very real and very unforgiving. Having these topics ironed out from day1 is very important because bringing this topic up weeks later can sound complicated, which is very “relationshipy”.
Sharing is not caring for friends with benefits.
Honestly, if we are friends with benefits, I don’t care about your childhood dreams and your adult goals if we are just hooking up, and I also don’t care about sharing mine, so what do we talk about? Because I am cool with a high five before and after, but that’s just me.
How much can you share before you get mushy? If that is not a trigger for you, then share on, but that was it with me. One minute I’m telling you about my childhood home and the next I tell you how many kids I want. These things lead to feeling, so please don’t, at least not with me.